NBA Columnist Dalton Perla breaks down why you should hate Lebron
Disclaimer: Now before I get into my arguments about why everyone should hate Lebron, I have to give credit where it is due. Even though these words taste like vinegar coming out of my mouth, Lebron is one of the greatest athletes of all time and there is no doubt about it. Any man that can run down the court in 3 seconds, block an opponent’s shot from behind, and top it off by jumping from the foul line is a superior athlete. This blog isn’t going to question his athletic abilities. What concerns me more about him and makes me remain a Lebron hater is what I witness (pun intended) is his complete douche bag way of acting on and off of the court. I know what you’re thinking already “But Perla doesn’t he donate a lot of money to charity? And isn’t he for the kids?” The answer to that is, that’s all fine and dandy but Pee Wee Herman was for the kids too and he got caught jerking off in a movie theater. So let’s get on with it.
1. You should hate Lebron because he is a world class actor. I’m not talking about his role in the god awful Amy Schumer movie. What I’m talking about is how he turns every bump that he takes in a game into him being blown up from explosions that would give Michael Bay a wet dream. Take this from last night as an example:
Annnnnddd hes dead…. or so you thought. I sniffed this out from the second it happened that he was being a faking little bitch for sympathy. Sure enough, before the commercial break was even over, he was back up and drove down the court for a dunk. The worst part of it all is had they have won, everyone that sucks Lebron’s dick would have been calling it the night Lebron came back from the dead to score 40. If you want sympathy and people to think its awesome that you did this maybe actually get hurt next time… or just once for that matter.
2. You should hate Lebron like he hates post game interviews after a loss. If they lose another they’re done obviously but I can guarantee his post game interview will contain something about him saying that he needs to watch film and a basic overview of the concept of basketball. Yes Lebron we know that you watch film as a professional basketball player and we also know that the game is played on offense and defense but thank you for reminding us. Are you a smart guy?
Sorry every interview can’t be all rainbows and Kendrick Lamar questions.
3. My last reason why you should hate Lebron is because he always has to be the center of attention. Whether its on the court with his dramatics or off on social media he thrives on people looking at him. I know what you’re thinking once again “But Perla why would this be an argument now that he has activated his Zero Dark 30- 23 mode?” Well I’m here to shatter your dreams and tell you that this is as big of a bullshit lie as it is a dumb ass name (seriously if you think its cooler as Zero Dark 30-23 than if it would just be Zero Dark 23 you shouldn’t reproduce). Since this has been activated one could make the argument that he has more of an online presence now more than ever. Take this video from April, where there’s no convincing me otherwise, that he definitely told his team mates to take it:
And of course the obligatory cringe worthy obsession with Kendrick Lamar:
So in conclusion, here’s for hoping for a sweep. I live off Lebron tears and I might be able to fill a bucket with them after a sweep and the trophy being given out in Cleveland. I don’t ask for much from god but best believe I’ll be praying for this before game 4.